Weekend in Tulsa

Mikey, Little Miss Whirlwind and me spent Saturday night in Mom's bed; she says it's a queen size, but I kind of doubt it. I woke up in a world of hurt Sunday morning, but Mom's biscuits and gravy made me feel a little better.

We had planned to get to the Tulsa Zoo earlier in the morning so it wouldn't be so hot, but we didn't get there until after 1:00 and oh, my Lord, it was hot.

The worst thing about getting out and about with Britt is that she's a runner. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she's off. No matter where we go, I'm constantly yelling, "Britt! Come back here! Brittany! Brittany Anne! STOP!" while running after her. And so, I was doing a lot of that yesterday.

About halfway through the zoo, we ran across a family we had last encountered near the admission gate, and the woman turned around and said, "Oh, look. It's Brittany!" I had a Stilwell Angel flashback and cringed with embarrassment.

There were moments when she wasn't running,



but they were rare.

The "chimpmonks" grabbed her attention because one of them had a baby, so she actually stood still for a few minutes:



And she sat still during the train ride,



but only because she was strapped in.

Mikey wound up carrying her a lot, to keep her from running off.



And then we went to the Oklahoma Aquarium at Jenks. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The long hallway down the middle of the place was just too much of a temptation, and Britt had to be carried so she wouldn't keep running down it. Then, she saw the turtles! She loves turtles! But not frogs; they're too scary.

She got to feed the turtles,



and that's all she wanted to do, until we steered her toward the manta ray tank.



And that's all she wanted to do, until we discovered the touch tank, where we saw a Patrick!



And then, the shark tunnel!



(Stupid frickin' shutter delay. This was the best shot I could get.)

Then it was time to leave, and Britt had to be carried away kicking and screaming, because she wanted to go through the shark tunnel again and again and again.

We've been trying to get away to take this little trip all year, and it's with a big sigh of relief that I say we finally did it and we won't have to do it again for at least a couple of years, when Britt will hopefully be a slightly more reasonable human being.

Lucky for her that she's so dang cute.

Dang, y'all

I'm fixin' to go see my mama this weekend, so I'm sitting here burning CDs of classic country music that I've collected for her.

Meanwhile, I had a browser page open in the background and my eye fell upon these words:

Mama, don't EVER stop writing this blog, I would die if I couldn't read this everyday!! This is the best blog in the history of the universe! Keep up the good work!

And, you know, just for a second there, my distracted mind imagined that I was looking at my own blog page, and that one of my beloved children had written those sweet words to me.

However, I was mistaken.

Those words were written to Mama at The Real Estalker (which is absolutely hilarious, BTW; you should go check it out).

I felt so happy, just for a second, that when I realized my mistake, my heart broke just a little.

(***sniff***)

Oh, Bob, that reminds me: Your sister found your name on the state's unclaimed property listings. You've got a $90 tax refund check waiting for you.

Friday Shuffle: Anniversary Edition

Last night Mikey called to ask if I wanted to celebrate with wine or with champagne; two minutes later he called back and said he had hearts floating around his head and couldn't remember which one I wanted.

Hearts floating around his head! I melted.

Then he came home with a beautiful diamond cross necklace and a bottle of Dom Pérignon, and we went out to dinner, where Britt was a hellion and a half.

After we got home and put her to bed, we had a little couch party. And you don't need to know anything more about that.

Anyway, in honor of our 10th wedding anniversary and the 14th anniversary of our first date, I fast-forwarded through my iTunes shuffle to find something appropriate:

1. You're All I Need to Get By, Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
2. Let's Stay Together, Al Green
3. Hard to Handle, Black Crowes (this was in the cassette player during our first date)
4. You Make Loving Fun, Fleetwood Mac
5. Maybe I'm Amazed, Paul McCartney
6. Pride and Joy, Stevie Ray Vaughan
7. Old Brown Shoe, The Beatles
8. God Only Knows, The Beach Boys
9. An Old-Fashioned Love Song, Three Dog Night
10. I've Been Loving You Too Long, Otis Redding

Aw, why stop at ten? Here's four more for the years we lived in sin:

11. Happy Together, The Turtles
12. Jungle Love, Morris Day & the Time
13. Melt With You, Modern English
14. What Is Life, George Harrison

July 26, 1997

I wasn't interested having in a wedding; I would've been fine getting married at the courthouse, but Mikey insisted that we marry in the church and now I'm glad we did.

But still, putting together a wedding is a pain in the ass, no matter how scaled-down you go. Ours was miniscule, and I still managed to half-ass it.

I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, so Bridgie and I headed off to Glamour Shots that afternoon to get our hair and makeup done, and to get some nice portraits to commemorate the event:



When he saw the pictures later, Mikey was a little upset that I took the maid of honor with me instead of the groom.

We had no photographer on hand, so our actual wedding photos are just snapshots. And somebody (you know who you are) snuck me off and got me stoned for the first time in years just before it was time to go to the church. I looked like it, too, and I was terrified that Mikey would figure it out and be furious with me (I did finally tell him a few years later, when we could laugh about it).

Anyway, the point is that our wedding photos look like crap. These were the best of the lot:



The wedding cake I ordered was too small, so my mother-in-law had to run to a grocery store bakery after the wedding to make sure there was enough cake to feed everybody.



The reception was hosted by my in-laws, and no one told them that some of my friends from work would be there. They get kind of hinky about things like that, so that was another uh-oh for the evening.

It was a relief, after all the screw-ups, missteps and tension, when it was finally, blessedly, over.

Marrying Mikey is pretty much the only thing I did right that day.

Ten years ago today.

Gah. Just, gah.

Insomnia's been kicking my ass this week, so I was catching a few winks on the couch when Bridgie came over for lunch.

When I got up to answer the door, my foot landed in something brown and mushy on the carpet.

Oh. My. God.

So I half-hopped to the door, let Bridgie in and told her what just happened. Then I went and grabbed some toilet paper to clean up the mess.

Once I was down on my knees fixin' to pick it up, it occurred me that I wasn't smelling anything foul, so I bent down and looked closer.

And started laughing.

It was one of these. From Mikey's snack stash. That Britt had apparently raided while I was snoozing.

Bridgie said, "I bet you were never so happy to see cake smashed into the carpet."

She got that right.

Boy, I tell you what -- this potty-training business has got me all drove up. I need to catch a break, and soon.

Well, I never

All the Pull-Ups and panties are hidden where Britt can't get to them. She's running around with a bare butt all day. She has no choice but to either poop on the potty or on the floor and, believe me, I've been watching where I step.

Yesterday, I put dinner on to cook and then began clearing the debris field that results from Britt's day of play. It's not unusual to find used Wet Wipes lying around because she'll get herself one to wipe her hands when they get sticky. So I thought nothing of it when I picked up a used wipe off the floor.

Guess what rolled out of it?

Yeah.

It's the shits, man

I'm sorry to keep going on and on about this but, since my whole life revolves around it right now, I don't have much else to talk about.

Britt still won't poop in the potty.

I let her run around with a bare butt one day and she sneaked off and put on a Pull-Up and pooped in it.

The next time I tried it I hid the Pull-Ups from her, so she sneaked off to her room, got some panties out of her drawer, put them on and pooped in them.

Then I hid all her panties with the Pull-Ups and tried again. She got into a bag of outgrown clothes that were sitting in her room and found a pair of size 2T panties (she wears a 4T), put them on and pooped in them.

Tonight I got her dressed for bed and put a Pull-Up on her, then went out to the garage for a smoke. A little bit later Mikey came out and said that he knew how to get her to poop on the potty.

Oh, yeah? (says I)
As soon as you left, she hid behind the couch and started grunting.
So did you put her on the potty?
Well, no. She pooped in the Pull-Up.
And this is your big epiphany?

He explained that I should try putting her on the potty after I put a Pull-Up on her, thinking that it somehow triggered her poop reflex. I explained to him the error of his thinking.

I've spent a lot of time in the bathroom lately waiting for brown gold, and it just ain't happening. The thing is, Britt has excellent poop control. She never, ever poops when we're away from home. She outwaits me when I make her sit on the potty and try to talk her into letting it go. Sometimes, like today, she holds it all day long until an opportune moment presents itself.

She just doesn't want to do it in the potty, and she isn't going to until she wants to. I guess the trick is to figure out how to make her want to.

She's a stubborn one, Britt is. I haven't fought such a battle of wills since Bridgie was a teenager.

Family News

Sherri and Chris finally bought a house! I don't have any details yet; stay tuned to Sherri's blog for more info.

Jenny had her baby on the 10th. His name is Jadon Asher, or maybe Jaydon. Mom wasn't sure how it's spelled.

Bridgie called this evening and asked how to spell "conscious" and "necessary."

Britt has pooped in her panties for the past two days.

And that's all I know.

Britt's House o' Beauty is now open

We went shopping today and Britt came home with an all-plastic, non-messy faux makeup kit, complete with a little battery-operated blow dryer.

She likes to sit on the counter and watch when I do my face, although the eyelash curler makes her anxious (Are you all right? Is it okay?), and sometimes we paint our nails together, so she knew what to do with most of it.

The blow dryer and the perfume atomizer, however, completely stumped her. I haven't used either one since before she was born, so she had no idea what they were for. Once I showed her, though, she was totally on board.

So I got my face and hair done several times today, although that pointy plastic eye shadow applicator so close to my eyeballs made me a little anxious. Mikey got a makeover this evening, too, and even got his nails done.

*****
The other day, I gave Britt an empty cardboard box to play with, and she played with it so thoroughly that it split down one corner. The next morning she inspected the damage and said, mournfully, "My spaceship. It's broken."

Today, she dumped the contents of one of her toy boxes and made herself a "nest" in it:



She's an awful cute little chick, ain't she?

Potty Update

Britt's doing great on the peeing part. We have no problems at all there.

But it's been almost three weeks and she still won't poop in the potty. And now she pulls off her panties and puts on a Poo-Wup all by herself when she's ready to take a dump.

I guess it's time to move on to Plan E, or Plan F, maybe. I've lost track.

I've hidden the Poo-Wups in the office closet so she can't get to them, and tomorrow will be our first totally Poo-Wup-free day. And I'm dreading it. Oh, how I'm dreading it. Cleaning up poopy panties is so, so much worse than poop in a Poo-Wup. Especially if it's mushy, because it's almost impossible to get them down over her legs without smearing stuff everywhere.

(***shudder***)

She won't be happy about it, either, because she loves her new Poo-Wups. Mikey screwed up and got the boy's version, which are decorated with a Cars motif. She's absolutely delighted with them, and constantly points out her "pwetty twucks" so they can be properly admired.

Urine trouble now

Heh, get it? Urine trouble now?

Okay, never mind.

We took Britt back to the doctor yesterday for a follow-up on her UTI, and it was no fun at all.

She tripped over an uneven sidewalk seam outside the building and skinned her knee and elbow, so she was already upset before she even figured out where we were going. And it went downhill from there.

Mikey always goes with us us to the doctor's office because Britt gets totally freaked out and it's hard to handle her when she's thrashing and flailing and screaming. This time, though, he got held up at work so I had to get through the first half of the visit by myself -- including the first attempt at getting another urine sample.

We got to the bathroom just as a woman was exiting and she had very obviously just taken a dump, so you can imagine how fun it was to sit on the floor with my arm in the toilet holding a cup for Britt to pee in. We gave up when somebody else came banging on the door about 15 minutes later.

After Mikey finally got there, we tried again and eventually got the sample, which was a huge relief because the alternative was catheterizing her and I did not want to put her through that. And the sample tested clear, so the infection is gone.

More good news: No more diapers! Britt is totally toilet-trained as far as peeing goes (we're still working on the pooping part). She hasn't had any accidents in several days, even when we've been away from home. She wears panties during the day and a pull-up at night because, even though she usually wakes up dry, I don't want to risk a big stinky wet spot in the middle of my bed. When her habits are more firmly established we'll get rid of the pull-ups, too.

Also, she doesn't pee every 20 minutes any more, now that her UTI is gone.

In hindsight, I should have figured something was wrong with the peeing every 20 minutes but, gah, you know, it's been 25 years since I've been intimately acquainted with the peeing habits of small children and I don't remember anything about it. Except that their bladders are very small.

At the zoo

Britt learned about farm animals in her zoo class this morning.

They turned us loose after visiting the few farm animals on the premises, and we decided to go see the lorikeets again. But we came across this mist-dispensing thingy first, and I didn't think I was ever gonna get Britt away from it.



It did feel pretty good on such a hot day.

When we finally made it over to the lorikeet enclosure we paid two bucks for a little cup of nectar, and Britt had no trouble making new friends.



In fact, they just loved her.



Or her ponytail holders, at least.



Before we left the enclosure, Britt learned a little bit about the birds and the bees when a particularly uninhibited couple made the beast with four wings right in front of her.



In the gutter, no less.

And the zoo used to be such a nice place to take the kids.

Feeling Better

Yesterday, on the way to the doctor's office, Britt looked like this:



Today, she looked like this:



And neither of her two doses of medicine came back up today, so I'm feeling better too.

Britt's sick

Poor baby had a fever and was lethargic so we took her to the doctor today.

The doctor wanted a urine sample, so I spent 20 minutes sitting on the bathroom floor in the doctor's office with my arm in the toilet, holding a cup for Britt to pee in. She finally did, though most of it went all over my hand.

We got her home and gave her the first dose of medicine for her urinary tract infection, and she slept all afternoon. She woke up feeling much better, and was her normal live-wire self all evening.

Then it was time for her bedtime dose. She hates taking medicine, so it's a two-person operation and we practically have to sit on her to get it in her mouth; it's traumatic for all of us. This time it was worse than usual, because she cried so hard that she threw up. And then I had to decide if enough stayed down or if I needed to give her another dose and risk her puking again.

And we get to do this twice a day for ten days.

She just woke up needing to pee, and we discovered that her fever is back so we tried to give her some Tylenol. She didn't want any, so she started crying and threw that up, too.

Gah, this child's gag reflex! It defeats me every time.

I promise to give it a rest after this

because I'm sure you're just thrilled to bits to read every little detail of Britt's potty training.

Like I was thrilled to bits at 5:45 this morning when she woke us up demanding a dry Poo-Wup (that's what she calls Pull-Ups). And then again at 7:30 when she woke us up because she needed to go pee.

But, just in case you're wondering, there was still no pooping in the potty over the weekend; except for that, she's doing very well.

Just a little while ago, she peed on the toilet and when she was done I went back to eating my lunch. About two minutes later she needed to go again, so I sat her up there and tapped my foot while she did her thing. And then I went back to my lunch. And then she needed to go again!

(***sigh***)

This time I left her sitting there while I finished my lunch, and when I went back to check on her she said, "I did it!"

"Did what, Sweetie? Oh... Oh, you pooped! Oh, good girl!"

We have poop, people! In the potty! Voluntary poop in the potty!

I'll say no more, lest I jinx it.