Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Last night


I was in the garage smoking when Mikey popped his head out and told me he was going to mail the mail. Then he left.

A few minutes later, I was ready to go back in the house and -- guess what?

Yep. The door was locked.

I was locked in the garage with the baby monitor and an extremely tedious book and Brittany was asleep in her room -- alone.

I don't like being locked out of my house. I tend to freak out, just a little.

So Mikey came home and found me sitting here in front of the computer.

You locked me out.

What?


You locked me out.


How'd I do that?


Well, I guess you turned that little thingy on the knob when you shut the door.


How'd you get in?


I got in.


How?


I got in. You need to fix the door jamb.


Oh, great.


Oh, great? Oh, great? Like I'm the one who caused the problem?

I couldn't stay mad for long, though. He brought me a Blue Bell Texas Size Double Fudge Bar. Only 240 calories and 11 grams of fat. Diet, schmiet -- it's heaven on a stick.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Pre-season training


Britt's added two new words to her vocabulary: "pee-peep" and "poo-poop." Potty-training time is coming (sooner rather than later, I hope), and now she can tell me what's in her diaper. Maybe before long she can tell me before it's in her diaper.

She's also been supervising my bathroom breaks; she's fascinated by the whole procedure and insists on doling out toilet paper for me, although I have to keep a hand on the roll or else she'll take off running down the hall stringing paper through the house.

One day last week she was playing in her room so I thought I could slip in, go "peep" and get back to what I was doing without any fuss. I should've either left the door open or shut it all the way, but I didn't. I had pushed it almost closed, so when she came barreling through the door at top speed, outraged that I'd left her out of the loop, the door slammed open against the wall.

It wasn't until I was leaving the bathroom and felt resistance when I tried to pull the door closed behind me that I realized she had knocked the doorknob plumb through the wall.

(There used to be a doorstop there. Where'd it go?)

So now there's a doorknob-sized hole in my bathroom wall, and sometimes I feel like it's watching me.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Testing, testing...


I opened an account on YouTube so I could post video clips of Britt on here, but the cutest ones I have exceed their megabyte limit.

(**sigh**)

Anyway, I need to do a test post so here's a short clip of Britt dancing to some Zeppelin:



It's a lot darker and the action is jerkier than when I watch it in playback mode on my camera. I dunno what to do about that.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I'm dogsitting


Missy & Pepper
Originally uploaded by Sandra D..

Bridgie's geriatric pooch while she's off to Manhattan this weekend.

Manhattan, Kansas, that is.

When she brought Missy over yesterday, we took her out in the backyard to meet Pepper, who promptly went nuts.

Before we got Pepper I studied up on keeshonds and read that they are watch dogs but not guard dogs. I didn't quite understand what that meant, but it's clear to me now. It means they'll bark their fool heads off to sound the alert while scrambling away from whatever the potential danger is.

Anyway, now that they've had time to thoroughly sniff each other, they're getting along just fine.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Cathy's crash


I guess everybody in the family's heard about the accident by now. Sherri wrote about it here, and posted pictures of the car here.

I feel just sick about it, but I'm thankful she wasn't seriously hurt.

Monday, May 22, 2006

A big fat surprise


I went shopping with Mom and Debbie Saturday for dresses to wear to Greg's wedding. It should have been fun, and it was -- until I got into the dressing room.

I knew I'd put on some weight because my size 10 low-riders are pretty tight, so I started with an armload of size 12 dresses.

Uhhh, no. Nope, nope, nope and nope.

Crestfallen, I ditched the 12s and rounded up some size 14s.

What the hell? You've got to be kidding me! Why won't this fucker zip?

My head was beginning to pound by this point, but I soldiered on and tried a few size 16s. They zipped, but I looked like a battleship. I didn't buy anything. I'm not used to seeing myself that way.

Actually, I'm not used to wearing fitted clothing at all, spending most of my days in pajama pants. I can usually count on one hand the number of times I get dressed in actual clothes within a month's time. I finally broke down a couple of months ago and bought some bigger tops to cover my muffin top, but the full measure of my weight gain wasn't clear to me until I tried to find a cute little dress to wear to my nephew's wedding.

It's painfully obvious now that I won't be finding a cute little dress to wear. I'll have to find a large figure-concealing dress to wear. Like a muu-muu.

Remember the blue dress I wore as Sherri's matron-of-honor (happy anniversary, Sherri and Chris!) a year ago this weekend?

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It was a size 6. I've gone from a 6 to a 16 in one year. No, wait...I'm looking through the archives... On July 16 I was 129 pounds, so I've gone from a 6 to a 16 in just ten months!

I haven't felt so traumatized since my cat died.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dare I say it?


Britt hasn't had a binky for three days.

Not that I decided to wean her from it; it's just that we just can't find one anywhere around here, and I won't buy any more.

Shhhhh! Don't tell anybody -- she's doing fine so far and I don't want to jinx it.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Guess what I got for Mother's Day?


Go on, guess.

You'll never guess.

Did I get cards? Flowers? Phone calls? Hug and kisses from my beloved offspring?

Um, no. As a matter of fact, I didn't.

I did get a shake-it-up no-battery-required flashlight from Mom, but it didn't work so she took it back.

Other than that, not a sausage.

Mikey did give up spending the day with his own mother to drive the six-hour round trip to Tahlequah and back so I could see my mom and attend Greg & Amber's bridal shower. But we didn't leave here until almost 10:00 am and got back home at 7:30 pm, so there was plenty of time for my kids to call. Or come over. But they didn't. And there were no messages from either one on my answering machine.

(**sniff**)

Thanks a lot, kids. It's nice to know how loved and appreciated I am.

(**sob**)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day


to all the moms in our family, especially this one:

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Twenty months


Can you believe Britt's almost two years old already? Me, neither.

She loooooves books. We read lots of books together every day and, when we're not reading, she stacks them up and carries them from room to room. Her new thing is to sit on the floor and throw all her books up onto the couch, one at a time. Then she'll climb up on the couch and throw them down on the floor one at a time. And then she'll do it all over again. And again. And again. They're getting a bit worn, as you can imagine.

Sometimes she'll go off to her room and get real quiet and, when I go check on her, she'll be sitting on the floor with books piled around her, paging through them and moving them from one stack to another.

She also loves mud. I got off easy all winter because of the drought, but now that it's raining gullywashers every other day she winds up a muddy mess every time we go outside. It's ruined several outfits, too, in spite of all the Shout-ing and Spray 'N Wash-ing I do. Even her bluejeans are stained orange from that damned red clay soil.

The garden gate isn't the only thing she's learned how to open. I thought I was going crazy, or my dishwasher was, because I'd start unloading it and realize that the dishes were still dirty. And sometimes there would still be soap in the soap thingy. And when I'd shut the door to re-run them it would start running mid-cycle, so I'd be trying to remember if I'd opened the door for some reason and didn't shut it all the way. This went on for about two weeks before I saw Britt walk up while it was running and squeeze the handle until it quit. It took me four tries to get that load done.

It is imperative that she monitor all my showers by running back and forth along the tub, throwing out the shower curtain behind her so that water goes everywhere, especially all over her. It's either that or shut the bathroom door and listen to her howl with rage on the other side.

"Watsat" is her favorite new word, accompanied by pointing at anything and everything. It goes something like this:

Watsat?

That's the dog's food.

Watsat?

That's the dog's water.

Watsat?

Dog food.

Watsat?

Water.

Watsat?

Dog food.


Watsat?


Water.


Watsat?

How 'bout ice cream, Sis? You want some ice cream?

Happy birthday, Phil!


I hear your computer got fried so I dunno if you'll see this, but I look forward to seeing you this weekend.

Love you, Bro!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Escape attempt foiled


I was hanging out on the patio with Britt and Pepper today when Britt disappeared around the side of the house. I got around the corner just in time to see her pop the latch on the gate and head out into the front yard.

(**yikes!**)

There's a padlock on the gate now.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Nameless no more


We finally named our dog, I guess.

Mikey and I couldn't agree on anything, so we sort of let Britt do it by default. She still calls the dog Cat, mostly, but we've been trying to get her to say "puppy" and the best she's been able to do is "peh-poo," which sort of sounds like "pepper," so we named her Pepper. Officially, her name will be "(our last name)'s Peppermint Patty," once we get the papers filled out and sent in.

I'm trying Lesley's suggestion to sprinkle peppercorns in my flowerbeds to keep Pepper from digging in them. Sort of. I do have a jar of peppercorns, but it's got a grinder built into the lid and I couldn't get it off, so I sprinkled freshly ground pepper on the places where she's been digging. She sniffed around for a while like it smelled pretty interesting, but I haven't seen any signs of fresh digging since then. Of course, it rained last night so I'll have to do it again to see if it really works.

Anyway, I've been trying to teach Britt to say "Pepper," so now she calls the dog "Pecker."

Friday, May 05, 2006

All stocked up


Mikey went grocery shopping for me last night, which he does occasionally because he knows I hate it. I sent him off with a list and he even took Britt with him so I could enjoy a rare hour alone.

When they came home, the first thing I saw was the humongo bag of Lay's Potato Chips, a special weakness of mine. I can't eat just one, but I can eat a whole bag. Then I saw the two 12-pack boxes of Pop-Tarts, the bag of chocolate and peanut butter-flavored Chex Mix, FIVE boxes of Little Debbie Cakes, including the one kind I can't resist -- Marshmallow Supremes, and a can of mixed nuts (which I'm poking through right now looking for cashews).

I pointed at my pudge and hollered at him.

Do you not even care what I look like?

Well, you don't have to eat it all at once.


I wouldn't have to eat it at all if you wouldn't buy it!


And with that, I tucked the humongo bag of Lay's under my arm and waddled off indignantly.

Gaaaah!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A dog named Cat?


We still haven't agreed on a name for our new dog. I hate everything Mikey suggests, and he hates everything I come up with.

Britt still calls her Cat.

She's been very good with Britt so far. She hasn't nipped or growled at her a single time. They romp around the backyard together like... well, like a couple of puppies.

We knew she was a chewer; I read about that before we got her, so we supplied her with plenty of chew toys. It didn't work, though. My purple clematis had two branches growing from the root; she's already chewed through one of them. My pink clematis had five branches and she's chewed through four. It's was in full bloom, too.

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The left side is what it's supposed to look like. The right side looks how I feel: sad and droopy.

We did not know she would be a digger. She's been digging in my canna bed, and she dug two huge holes in the flowerbed around the bay window.

(**head in hands**)

So we had another "what are we gonna name our dog" session last night. I suggested "Calamity Jane."